fri,jan26,00
bye. the only words i can speak when you leave.
drive safe. the only words i can force myself to say.
i love you. the only words i can mouth.
you turn your back to me and you leave. 
looking back at me to see me looking at you.
the heartache sets in as soon as you let go of me.
your fingertips slowly leaving mine and i feel heavy.
the wieght of the world is placed slowly on my back.
the pain soaks in deep into my bones. 
i stagger with a weary skeleton and this heavyness.
i need a place to lay my head.
somewhere soft where i can feel your touch. 
feel you feeling me. lovingly caressing my brain.
stimulating my thoughts. the 13 pounds of love in my skull.
you have the best of me. my carachter wont be the same.
im so sick of the hunger for you. starving to death.
the core of me feeding off of sweet memories. 
the pictures i have dont do it justice. t
he beauty of you is indescribable. 
the amount of times i think about you daily is astounding.
my love for you has a formula. 
take the root of my heart, multiply the hours in a day 
divide by your heart, subtract by the times i dont want
to stop kissing you, and add the time we have left, and you 
should get the same awnser i do.
i love you.

fri, nov17,00
there is something about getting kicked
 in the face that is strangely familiar
 with crying. your nose gets that same 
fucking feeling and your head spins. 
your eyes ache from the back of your head
 and your mouth gets sticky with your own
 saliva. breathing no longer a simple process.
 every breath is labored. your lungs dont 
want to help. they ache. they hate you back.
 the worst part is that i hate myself more 
and more when i actually cry. the weeping 
voice i acquire, the aggrivated eyes, the 
hurt that doesnt go away even after i have 
cryed enough to wash my soul clean. hurt 
still lingers like a stain in the fabric of my life.

sun,nov12,00
my head is spinning, and my wrists hurt.
 so i apologize now; for what its worth.
your mind aches, its been almost two days,
 and i want to hold you until your ribs break.
your arms are sore; from the night before,
 maybe those handcuffs were a little too short.
the time has gone away; its turned day into 
night im sorry, if the blindfold was too tight.
im the low level devil on your shoulder, 
who tells you what you want to hear. and 
now you're wondering how in the hell you got here.
you cant move your body, you cant see a thing,
 your body is in fear but you know whats happening.
you should've listened to your angel, 
and done what it told you to do 
"stay the fuck at home" now look at you.
your a main dish, for a big appetite,
 im going to spread you apart and take a bite.
my body is against yours, slowly sliding down,
 i think you know whats coming, im going to go to town.
i have your sex on me, it tastes so fucking good,
 i would do this all day if i knew that i could.
you know your in control you can command me with
 a kiss just wait one second, and tell me whose game this is?
maybe you were manipulated, or even lied to. but
 you said you can feel it deep inside you.
ive been poisoned by a drug, its too fine to be
 identified, its illegal in my bedroom and the lower 49
i think im slippin away somewhere warm and deep inside.
 somewhere safe, but there is no place to hide.
i get drunk off you, i feel inebriated, im on cloud 9.
i need your affection, i stand open for correction,
 but i want to effect you , i want to infect you.
no im not going to stop until you are mine,
 i want to wake up with you , our fingers inter-twined.
everything you have read is completely true,
 these are my lollipop writing fantasies laced with you.
-me
this was much better


sat,nov11,00
intoxicated,
 in the future jill will be cool
 and im not gonna suck. i need to breathe you.
 lollipop writing. months of courage. 
i want to hear your voice in my ears.
 echoing in my brain. my fingertips are egaer
 to drag themselves accross your flesh.
 my mouth awaits your sugary breath. 
my lips are ragged. they miss your hospitality.
 the warmth of your body is some thing to be attended to.
 im down on my knees. give you attention where its needed.
 am i your imagination. . im addicted to your affection.
 i get drunk off your kiss. my hands tell me fables 
of skin so soft there is no comparison. my wrists 
keep telling me stories every movement they tell 
me the beauty of being sore. is there something 
wrong with me? you command me with kiss. and i 
feel like im going through withdrawls. my head 
is spinning. im ill because of a new addiction. 
blindfolded, handcuffed and helpless. i need forgiveness.